Manliness...

I realize that it has been quite awhile since the last time I posted, so I thought I would update my blog.
Right now I could update you on so many things, since last time I updated was Jamaica. Now, there is no longer even a vestige of my Jamaican tan (burn) and I even stopped finding sand in unknown body parts. There have been so many things I could share right now. I could update you on my social life, new job, my hot dates, or my new room. However at the present time none of these seem as important as my profuse and manly chesthair. First of all, chesthair is the quintessence of manliness, and I have chesthair that achieves a level of manliness than most men ever accomplish through all the acts of manliness throughout their whole lives. It is as thick as rope and as coarse as steel wool. One of the key characteristics of my utterly most-manly hairy chest, is the fact my my hair is thick in the appropriate regions (chest) and its surrounding proximity remains glabrous. It is like all of my hair on my body is playing sardines 0n my chest. Some men have extremely hairy chests, but the manliness is negated by the fact that it is surrounded by hairy shoulders, back, arms, and neck. These people ususally recieve comments such as; "take your sweater off" (when wearing no shirt) and "apparently Tom hasn't quite fully evolved yet" These comments can be degrading and hurtful, and that is why I am grateful to have the manly chest hair without all the peripheral nastiness. I get compliments such as "Your paragon chest hair is the manliest display of manly manhood I have ever come across" That one was from David Hasselhoff who was known for his chest hair and manliness. Oh yeah, and Chuck Norris commented in the NY times that my "exemplary chest hair has been inspiration for chests everywhere" I believe that men should treat their borders of their chest with the same stringency as Bush's new policy on immigration. If you have a problem with hair crossing the borders, then increase forces.

Speaking of hair, have you ever noticed that hair in the appropriate place is a beautiful and wonderful thing. However, when it strays from these locations it is one the most vile and cringe-worthy objects on the planet. For example, those shampoo commercials where women are participating in activities which cause their shiny hair to bounce with grace, give you the perception that hair is flawless. However, on the other hand, there are two forms of location that make the hair repulsive. First, when a hair becomes detached from the body, no matter how beautiful it was, becomes disgusting. The other form of nasty hair is the location on the body. Some places like the back, and other concentrations of hair on moles are particularly loathesome and wouldn't be voluntarily touched, even with a ten-foot pole. There is also the subcategory of body placement that is gender specific. (e.g. face) Then there are certain situations where there is an exponential increase of the level of nastiness due to the fact that it has been detached from the body and came from a place, such as a mole, chick's face, or back.

Well I better go, the ladies aren't gonna flirt with themselves!